Of Wolf and Man
by Orion-San
Summary: I can't imagine Remus being violent, but when he changes, I have to remind myself that he's still in there, he's still Remus, he's just buried deep within, just like the monster is when Remus is Remus." A SiriusRemus friendship fic.


_Of Wolf and Man_

That's a Metallica song, by the way. It's about _werewolves_. Give it a listen.

Please excuse typos, I'm not a very good typist and I haven't downloaded Microsoft Works yet. Sorry.

No nonsense. That's how he is. He goes on and on and on about how he's not taking our crap this year.

Remus, I mean.

He said that, even if it's the very last thing he does, even if he's half dead, even if we swear to never talk to him again, he said that he would not be taking our crap this year. He said that he will not be lending his notes to us, he would not be letting us look at his homework, he would not sit idly by while we went on acting immature, he did not want to get mixed up in some crazy plot to cause mischeif. He would _not_ be taking our crap this year.

We tried to pretend that he was joking, James and I. We tried really, really hard. When we met on the train, and he was wearing his shiney new prefect's badge, we had a good laugh. He shut us up by saying that he was going to impress responsibility onto us, that he would be setting an example that he intended us to follow. Rigidly. As if we didn't have O.W.L.s to worry about, or our current project that had been in the works for a couple of years.

Remus did not like the Animagus idea. Not at all, no sir. At first he thought we were kidding, because we knew that it was illegal to be an unregistered Animagus, and the process of it was difficult and risky, anyway. He said that we were stupid, yes, but not _that_ stupid.

When we continued researching and studying Animagi, he got the hint that we were quite serious. He told us that he had been a werewolf for most of his life and could handle it all just fine without us, thank you.

But what kind of friends would we be if we listened to him? Not very good ones.

Peter wasn't as into the idea as James and myself. He was nervous as all hell the night we were to try it for the first time, and because he was such a shit-ass wizard I always wondered how he got into Hogwarts in the first place. Regardless, he is here, and though I don't know why, he's my friend as much as James and Remus.

The the night we all tried it (not Remus, obviously,) was a nerve-racking one indeed, but that made it fun. James volunteered to go first, and we all stood on the sidelines of the Gryffindor common room, watching.

Remus was there, huffing and muttering, his arms folded across his chest. He shook his head many times, he rolled his eyes, he frowned and glared at his shoes. You'd think he'd appreciate our effort for his sake, but he _did_ say that he wasn't taking our crap this year, and though I'm not sure if this can be filed under his definition for "crap", he's aggrivated all the same, so we tried to keep focused on the task at hand.

James transformed beautifully, of course. He turned into a stag, which we didn't really get. Regardless, it was really cool. He cantered around in a show-off sort of manner, and changed back. When he was James again, we all cheered for him. Except Remus, who was busy pretending not to be impressed.

I went next, and I have to tell you, it was quite difficult. We'd been working on it for a long time, and I was sure I could do it. But it's like running long distance, like Cross Country runners. You know it's going to be hard, but you also know you can do it.

So I did it.

The world shrank, then changed colors, then stretched. I looked around and felt as if I were sitting on the floor, but I wasn't, I was pretty sure I was standing...I wasn't sure what I was at the moment, but I could smell a whole lot of things I couldn't smell before.

As a werewolf, Remus could smell fear and happiness and anxiety and all that. He was better at it when he was a wolf, but he could get hints of it when he was normal if he tried really hard. Thus, when we found out that he was a werewolf and asked him tons of questions, he told us about what it's like to smell emotions, and I have to admit that it's not all that easy to understand.

However, now I could understand it. I could smell an amazing amount of anxiety from Peter. I coudl smell Peter himself. I could smell James and I could smell Remus. I was so excited to have discovered what it was like to smell emotions that I wanted to cry out, but all I heard was a loud bark.

I then changed back, and the scents disappeared. I looked at Remus and James and Peter and they told me, with grins, that I had been a rather large black dog. We didn't know what breed, and that was when he said it.

"You're probably a _mutt_, Sirius."

I looked at Remus, who seemed to have been emotionally moved by something. He was looking at me appreciatively and smiling broadly.

I laughed.

"I don't doubt it." I said.

As Peter put an effort into his first go at transforming, I leaned against the wall next to Remus, describing the scents and the strange perspective. He continued to smile, only at the floor.

I didn't understand at the time what had made him so happy, but I guess it was a werewolf thing.

I cannot even begin to compare myself to Remus. He's had to put up with so much in his life, but he's still managed to come out on top, or at least he says that that's how he feels. He says that as long as we're here, he'll be fine.

When he told us, or when we found out, about his lycanthropy, (that's the fancy word for werewolf. I didn't know there was a fancy word for it until I met Remus.) I was surprised he'd come this far. If I were to come home to my half-breed hating family and tell them I was a werewolf, they'd either disown me, skin me alive, or sell me to a Russian slave driver.

That's why I was apprehensive at first. If my parents knew about Remus being a werewolf, if they even had the slightest hunch, I'd be a dead man. That's how they are. They don't like anyone but carbon-copies of themselves. Pureblood wizards.

Regulus has seen me hanging around with Remus and swears that he'll tell mum and dad that I'm keeping company with a werewolf, but I told him Remus wasn't a werewolf. He looked disbelieving, but I shut him up. He is the apple of my parent's eye, true, but he can't take a punch.

Every night, we lay awake, staring at the ceiling, silent. I can't help but glance at his direction, seeing his barely lit outline, hoping that the wrong person doesn't find out. I feel connected to Remus, probably because my Animagi form is a dog and he's a werewolf, so it's like we both have the same soul. I feel like I should be able to help him, but there's not much I can do besides occompany him on the full moon nights as he struggles with the monster locked within him.

There's quite a bit of science in the world of lycanthropy. I read a book abuot it in the library, and it was really confusing. Still, I found that many things made sense. The mythology behind it is that the Lady Moon gave some men the gift of transforming into a wolf, but it was a double-edged sword; While her silvery light gave them this gift, it could also take it away, hence silver being lethal to werewolves. It's like an acid, and once it gets into the bloodstream of the werewolf, there is no cure, and the silver pretty much erodes away at them from the inside out.

Remus tries to make light of it all. He also tries to hide it. He made up pretty decent excuses for the first three full moons in our first year, but after that, many people noticed the pattern. Then he started to get scared and wanted to confide in someone, he wanted someone to talk to about this problem, this disease, this _handicap_.

I can't imagine Remus being violent, but when he changes, I have to remind myself that he's still in there, he's still Remus, he's just buried deep within, just like the monster is when Remus is Remus.

His breathing evens out and he falls asleep. I look out the window on the other side of the room and stare at the stars. Iv'e never been to reliant on any kind of god or diety, but lately, I've taken to asking for someone up there to give him a break. I know that there's no taking the monster out of Remus, that no matter how gentle and even-tempered he is during the day, when the moon shines on him, he'll change, and I'll change too. I'll keep the monster in check until Remus comes back, because that's all I can do. I hope that whoever governs the universe notices Remus's strength and how much he's been through and rewards him properly in the end.

I would gladly give up my one-way pass to heaven for Remus, my good friend. Because monsters aren't alloud in heaven, so the monster inside Remus would be left behind and Remus would be free for eternity. Sounds stupid, maybe a little cheesy, but I mean it.

This is sopposed to be a one-shot, but I can write more if you like it.

Also the lycanthropy science bullshit is all from _Blood and Chocolate_, a book about, what else, werewolves. Only, it's a bit different, in that the wereolves in the book enjoy being werewolves. There are many other differences too, but that's the main one. You should read it.

Okay. Before I go, I'd like you to know that this story goes well with these songs: _100 Years_ by Five for Fighting, which I listened to during the end there, _Freshman_ by Verve Pipe, _Of Wolf and Man _by Metallica, and_ Bittersweet Symphony_ by The Verve. The reason why I say this is because music is my second favorite thing, after writing, and I think a story is improved if you're setting the mood with proper music.

I appreciate reviews, but you don't have to. Unlike many other authors, I don't need them to feel good about my literary skills. Reviews help, but they're not required. I write because I love it, not to get praise.

Thank you for reading.

--Orion


End file.
